ڈئیر ہم نفس
کیسے ہو ؟سنا ہے محبت پر ریسرچ کرنے کا ارادہ ہے۔ منع بھی کیا تھا، تمہیں یہ محبت کے چکر میں نہ پڑو، گورکھ دھندا ہے، کالے دھن سے زیادہ ڈونگا ابھی بھی سمجھا رہا ہوں، دور رہو اس آگ سے جل جاؤ گے اور تم میں جلنے کا حوصلہ نہیں۔ پر محبت میں جلے بغیر گزارا نہیں۔
تم سیکھاؤ گے محبت،تم تو اپنا ایک ارادہ تک نہیں بدل سکتے کسی کے لیے اور محبت تو اپنی ذات کی نفی مانگتی ہے ۔کبھی اماں کو دیکھا ہے، محبت تو اس نے کی تھی، اور پھر اسے نبھا بھی خوب رہی ہے، خود کو مٹا دیا مگر محبت قائم رکھی ۔ یاد ہے ابا نے آخری وقت جاتے ہوئے کیا کہا تھا مجھے پیچھے کی فکر نہیں یہ سب سنبھال لے گی ۔ اسی لیے تو وہ آرام سے اپنی ذمہ داریوں سے جان چھڑا کر منوں مٹی تلے سو گیا ۔
اس نے بھی محبت خوب کی تھی مگر وہ محبت میں تھوڑی سی بے وفائی کا قائل تھا شاید، اسی لیے تو بنا بتائے ہی اوپر والے سے ملنے چلا گیا، حالانکہ اسے پتا تھا ملاقات قریب ہے ۔ ہر بار جاتے ہوئے اماں سے کہتا تھا دروازہ بند کر لو میں جا رہا ہوں، مگر اس دن کہنے لگا روکو! میں خود دروازہ بند کر دونگا ۔ گیا کس شان سے تھا سفید کلف والا جوڑا، کالا جوتا سیاہ ریشمی بال ماتھے پر لہرا رہے تھے۔
میں کہتی تھی اماں سے نظر رکھا کرو ابا پر دنیا کا بھروسہ نہیں، دن بدن زیادہ حسین ہوتے جا رہے ہیں ۔ تو وہ ہنس کر کہتی تمہاری اماں کا کمال ہے دیکھو، کیا تھا تمہارا باپ اور کیا بنا دیا ہے ، دنیا رشک کرتی ہے آج اس پر ۔ اور پھر اس کی چمکتی آنکھیں مسکراتے ہوئے یہ کہتیں اب تو مانتی ہو نہ محبت نبھائی ہے میں نے ۔ مجھے کیا پتا تھا؟ نظر دنیا نہیں اوپر والا رکھ کر بیٹھا ہے ۔
میں تو کہتا ہوں محبت قبول ہی نہیں کرنی چاہیے، اتنے لوگ ہیں بنا محبت کے زندگی گزارتے ہیں، اچھی ہی گزار لیتے ہونگے۔ کم از کم روز روتے تو نہ ہونگے، کھو جانے سے ڈرتے تو نہ ہونگے ۔ چلو کر بھی لو مگر محبت میں مضبوط رہنا ایک حماقت ہے ۔ یہ کیسے ممکن ہے خود ٹوٹ کے دوسرے کو بچانا ہے، اپنے آنسو روک کے دوسرے کے آنسو پونچھنے ہیں ۔ کم از کم عورت کو تو محبت میں مضبوط نہیں ہونا چاہیے، اگر عورت مضبوط ہو جائے تو پھر عورت عورت نہیں رہتی، مرد بن جاتی ہے۔ مرد ہی مضبوط اچھا لگتا ہے سہارا دیتا اور سنبھالتا، ہاں مگر کبھی اسے بھی سہارے کی ضرورت ہوتی ہے مگر کبھی کبھی اگر اسے روز سہارا لینے کی عادت پڑ جائے تو پھر مرد مرد نہیں رہتا عورت بن جاتا ہے۔
خیر چھوڑو اس سے دور رہو اور دیکھو حساب بالکل سیدھا ہے آرام سے جتنی زندگی ہے گزارو ۔ کچھ بھلا کر جاؤ اور مر جاؤ۔
اور یہ جو تمہیں دن بدن نئی نئی چیزیں سوجھتی ہیں نہ ان سے دور ہی رہو ۔ پتا ہے کبھی کبھی مجھے لگتا ہے یہ سب باتیں یہ سب اصول فضول ہیں ۔ زندگی تو بالکل تیر کی طرح سیدھی ہے، اپنی لکیر پر بس چپ چاپ چلتے رہو ۔ بہت سوچنے لگ گیا ہوں، نہ تمہارے ساتھ رہنے کا قصور ہے، تمہاری تو بچپن کی عادت ہے پر میں اس سے بہت تنگ ہوں ۔ تمہاری وجہ سے رات کو چین سے سویا بھی نہیں جاتا، کتنا ستاتے ہو مجھے ۔ اب سو جاؤ جواب دینے کی ضرورت نہیں ۔
تمہارا ہم نفس
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