خضاب ایک عذاب

خضاب لگانا ذاتی کاموں میں سے ایک مشکل ترین فن ہے۔کہتے ہیں خضاب اور بیوی ایک بار شروع ہو جائے تو پھر تازیست جان نہیں چھوڑتے۔مرد ہمیشہ مونچھیں اپنی ذات اور خضاب دوسروں کی بیوی کے لئے لگاتا ہے۔خضاب لگانا اتنا ہی مشکل ہے جتنا چونا لگانا،کبھی کبھار تو چونا لگاناآسان دکھائی دیتا ہے خضاب لگانا مشکل۔خضاب لگا کر ننگِ جسم ،عذابِ جان مرد حضرات دھوپ میں ایسے بیٹھے ہوتے ہیں جیسے شیر خوار circumcisionکروا کے بیٹھا ہو، بس فرق صرف اتنا سا ہوتا ہے کہ بچہ رو رہا ہوتاہے۔

خضاب لگانا اس لئے بھی فن ہے کہ اسے لگاتے ہوئے انتہائی احتیاط کی ضرورت ہوتی ہے اگر خضاب لگاتے لگاتے تھوڑا سا بھی چہرہ کو لگ جائے تو بندہ کسی کو منہ دکھانے کے قابل نہیں رہتا ، ایسی صورت حال میں احباب سے منہ ایسے چھپا رہا ہوتا ہے جیسے واقعی منہ دکھانے کے قابل نہ رہا ہو۔ سفید بالوں پر خضاب لگانا تو سمجھ میں آتا ہے لیکن عہدِ حاضر کی نسل نو خیز کا بالوں کو رنگ لگانا چہ معنی،دلیل ہے نہ کوئی حوالہ ہے بس لڑکیوں کی اقتدا میں مرے جاتے ہیں۔ خواتین و حضرات کو خضاب لگانے کا کوئی اور فائدہ ہو نا ہو ایک فائدہ ضرور ہوتا ہے کہ بال جوئووں کی نرسری بننے سے قاصر رہتے ہیں، یعنی خضاب سے قبل کنگھی کرنے اور خضاب لگاتے ہوئے خضاب کی بُو سے ہی جوئوں کا خاتمہ ہوجاتا ہے۔

مرد حضرات کے لئے میرا مشورہ ہے کہ کنگھی کبھی بھی بیوی کے سامنے نہ کیجئے ،اس لئے کہ ایک شادی شدہ شخص کے سر میں جوئیں پڑ گئیں تو اس نے خضاب لگانے سے قبل بیگم سے اس بات کا تذکرہ کردیا ،بیوی نے شوہر کے سر میں کنگھی ’’ماری‘‘ تو درجن بھر کے قریب جوئیں ’’برآمد‘‘ہوئیں، لیکن اصل کھیل اس کے بعد شروع ہوا جب بیگم نے اپنے سر میں کنگھی کی تو ایک بھی جوں ندارد،اب بیگم کنگھی کو بطور ’’خر خرہ‘‘استعمال کرتے ہوئے تفتیش کر رہی ہے کہ میرے سر میں تو جوئیں ہیں نہیں تو تم کس ’’ماں‘‘سے جوئیں ’’درآمد‘‘ کر کے لائے ہو؟ خضاب لگانے کو کچھ نیم بزرگ قسم کے لوگ’’جوانی‘‘لگانا بھی کہتے ہیں،میرا کہنا یہ ہے کہ انسان جوانی میں ایسے کام ہی کیوں کرتا ہے کہ جس سے نیم بزرگی میں سر کالا کرنا پڑے۔ جو لوگ بال سفید نہیں کرتے وہ یا تو غیر شادی شدہ ہیں یا دوسری کی ہوس نہیں۔ تحقیق سے یہ بھی ثابت ہوا ہے کہ کاہل اور آلکس بھی سفید بالوں کو رنگ نہیں لگاتے کہ کہیں کسی کے رنگ میں رنگے ہی نہ جائیں۔ کچھ کا خیال یہ بھی ہے کہ سفید کو کالا کرنے سے کون سا گھر کے ’’سیاہ وسفید‘‘ کا مالک بن جانا ہے سیاہ وسفیدکی مالک تو بیوی ہی نے رہنا ہے تو کیوں اپنی جان کو عذاب میں ڈالا جائے؟

بیوی کم عمر کی ہو تو مرد خود کو insecure سمجھتے ہوئے خضاب لگاتا ہے اور اگربیوی عمر رسیدہ ہو تو بیوی کو secure کرنے کے لئے یہ حرکت کرتا ہے۔بال رنگنا اور بچے پالنا دونوں ہی مشکل ترین کام ہیں اور یہ دونوں کام زیادہ تر آجکل خاوند ہی کر رہے ہیں۔ایسے مرد حضرات کو اگر زن مریدی کا طعنہ دیں تو ذرا شرمندہ نہیں ہوتے بلکہ الٹا بتا رہے ہوتے ہیں کہ ’’میرا بھی تو ہے‘‘۔ایسے حضرات موجودہ دور کے مردان حُر کہلانے کے مستحق ہیں، جو اپنی دو نہیں تین تین ذمہ داریاں سرانجام دے رہے ہیں،یعنی بچے پالنا،بیوی پالنا اور خضاب لگانا۔

پندرہ روزہ یا ماہانہ پرچہ اتنی باقاعدگی سے پرنٹ نہیں ہوتا جتنا مرد حضرات بالوں کو پرنٹ(رنگنے) کرنے میں باقاعدگی دکھاتے ہیں۔ویسے دیکھا جائے توخضاب لگانا بھی ایک لحاظ سے احساسِ کمتری ہی ہے۔ ذرا احساس ہوا نہیں کہ بالوں کی سفیدی سیاہ بالوں کے چلمن سے جھانکنا شروع ہو گئی ہے تو کنگھی،شیشہ اور خضاب اٹھائے ایسے دھوپ میں براجمان ہوتے ہیں جیسے گورے سردیوں کی دھوپ میں کسی بیچbeach کنارے ’’غریبانہ لباس ‘‘ میں پڑے ہوتے ہیں۔جس عمر میں لوگ استراحت کی تلاش میں ہوتے ہیں’’خضابئے‘‘اس عمر میں ’’چن چڑھانے‘‘کے لئے بالوں کو رنگ چڑھا رہے ہوتے ہیں۔ کہتے ہیں مونچھیں بلوغت اور داڑھی بلاغت جبکہ سر کو خضاب ’’چن چڑھانے‘‘کے لئے ہی لگایا جاتا ہے۔

خضاب لگانا واحد آئوٹ ڈور کھیل ہے، جو انسان اکیلا ہی کھیلتا ہے،اس کھیل کی ایک خوبی یہ بھی ہے کہ اسے بچے نہیں کھیل سکتے،جبکہ بڑے بھی اسے گُل کھلانے کے لئے کھیلتے ہیں۔ ورنہ روحِ حضرت سلطان باہوسے معذرت کے ساتھ کہ

                                                                           گئی جوانی پھر نئیں آندی بھانوے لکھ خوراکاں کھائیے ہو!

بال خال خال ہوں یا گھنے دونوں کو رنگنا اتنا ہی مشکل ہے جتنا کہ بیوی کو یہ یقین دلانا کہ میراآپ کے سوا کسی اور کے ساتھ کوئی چکر نہیں،کئی سیدھی سادھی بیویاں اپنے شوہروں کے اس چکر میں آبھی جاتی ہیں۔گھنے بالوں کو خضاب اتنا لگانا پڑتا ہے کہ فکر ہی لاحق رہتی ہے کہ کوئی بال سفید نہ رہ گیا ہو۔ خال بال والوں کو بھی یہی فکر دامن گیر رہتی ہے کہ کوئی بال گرفت میں آنے سے رہ نہ جائے،ایک بات ہے کہ گھنے بالوں کو ’’خضاب زدہ‘‘کرنے میں پھر بھی کم سمے درکار ہوتا ہے، مگر خال خال میں تو ایک ایک بال تلاش کرنے میں کبھی کبھار اتنا ہی وقت درکار ہوتا ہے، جتنا کہ عمر رسیدہ دلہن کے میک اپ کو۔

نیم گنجوں کو خضاب لگانے کی اتنی فکر نہیں ہوتی جتنی اس بات کی کہ کہیں سکِن خراب ہی نہ ہو جائے۔ خضاب زدہ لوگوں کی مشکلات کودیکھ کر کبھی کبھار لگتا ہے کہ ہم نیم گنجے اور سالٹ اینڈ پیپر ہی بھلے۔نہ خضاب کا جنجھٹ نہ جوئووں کی فکر،ویسے نیم گنجے کی ایک موج ہوتی ہے کہ جوئیں اگر پڑ بھی جائیں تو یونہی وہ خال خال بالوں کی بھول بھلیوں سے ’’چٹیل میدان‘‘کا رخ کرتی ہیں مارے گرما گرم گنجے سر کی سکِن سے ایسے تڑاخ سے مردنی حالت میں نیچے گرتی ہیں جیسے گرم بھٹی سے خشک مکئی کے دانے۔

انگریزی کہاوت ہے کہ ’’بے وقوف کا سر کبھی سفید نہیں ہوتا‘‘اسی لئے گوروں کے سر کے بال دیر سے سفید ہوتے ہیں،سفید بال آ بھی جائیں تو وہ اتنا پریشان نہیں ہوتے کیونکہ جب وہ سفید بالوں کی عمر کو پہنچتے ہیں کچھ اور ہو نا ہو احترام ضرور ہوتا ہے۔ہم پاکستانی اپنے آپ کو بے وقوفی سے بچانے کے لئے سفید آ بھی جائیں تو انہیں ’’چُن چُن‘‘ کر کالے کر لیتے ہیں کہ کہیں سچ میں بے وقوف ہی نہ دکھنے لگ جائیں۔حالانکہ بے وقوفی کا تعلق دکھنے سے تھوڑی ہوتا ہے۔ خضاب لگانے کے بعد ہر مرد خضاب لگاتے ہی سوچنا شروع کر دیتا ہے کہ پندرہ دن بعد پھر لگانا ہے۔اسے بیگم کی سالگرہ یاد ہو نا ہو خضاب لگانے والا جمعہ یا اتوار ضرور ازبر ہوتا ہے۔چلئے اب مجھے بھی اجازت دیجئے کہ میں بھی ’’جوانی‘‘لگا لوں کیونکہ پندرہ دن ہو گئے ہیں،بھائی جی میکے گئی بیوی اور مصیبت پوچھ کر تھوڑی آتی ہے۔

حصہ
mm
مراد علی شاہد کا بنیادی تعلق کمالیہ پنجاب سے ہے ،تاہم بسلسلہ روزگار عرصہ بیس سال سے دوحہ قطر میں مقیم ہیں ،اور ایک پاکستانی تعلیمی ادارے میں بطور ہیڈ آف سوشل اسٹڈیز ڈیپارٹمنٹ میں فرائض منصبی ادا کر رہے ہیں ۔سنجیدہ موضوعات کے ساتھ ساتھ طنز و مزاح پر لکھنا پسندیدہ موضوع ہے ۔ان کی طنزومزاح پر مشتمل مضامین کی کتاب "کھٹے میٹھے کالم"منصہ شہود پر آ چکی ہے۔دوسری کتاب"میری مراد"زیرطبع ہے۔قطر کی معروف ادبی تنظیم پاکستان ایسوسی ایشن قطر میں بحیثیت جنرل سیکرٹری اپنے فرائض سرانجام دے رہے ہیں ۔

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